Anchors Aweigh

"Anchors Aweigh my boys

Anchors Aweigh

Farewell to foreign shores

We sail at break of day 'ay 'ay 'ay

O'er our last night ashore

Drink to the foam

Until we meet once more

Here's wishing you a happy voyage home!"  - Zimmerman/Miles

I stood on the porch, and knocked on the door of the mobile home.  Surveying the small neighborhood, I took in the cool but pleasant weather as it bathed the circle of mobile homes in sunshine.  Really, it was someone's back yard, converted into a semi-circle of 5 or 6 trailers.  I didn't count them.  There was no answer.  I noticed an older woman, sufficiently dressed for the weather, strolling towards me across the grass.  No surprise there.  It wasn't often a very-out-of-state white work van pulled into this small town, much less this family of dwellings.  I met her on the grass, and we exhanged pleasant greetings. 

I informed her I was looking for an old friend.  She apologized, and told me my friend has passed away a few months ago.  This saddened me, but didn't surprise me.  One hundred and one years is a long time to live.  Add to that the previous three stops I had made, and there really was no surprise at all. 

I had spent the better part of my elementary years living in this rural town.  My dad preached, and drove a truck to make ends meet.  My brother and I, and my best friend knew every square inch of town, and the surrounding areas.  The land occupied by the informal trailer park had been owned by a family friend.  This friend had given me and my brother our first ten-speed bikes.  I had visited him a few years back, before he passed.  In fact, my many visits to this town usually included seeing old friends.  This particular visit really changed my views, my heart.

The company I work for had built a store here a few years back, and as a travelling technician, I have been afforded a number of trips to this town.  Seeing these dear people gave me a connection to a place that meant more than just familiar landscapes, buildings, and landmarks.  They were the people of my past.  Those adults I looked up to as a child, good people who showed me what love really means.  They anchored me to that town, one of the two I consider my "hometowns".  With this elder friend's passing, and another who couldn't remember me, I have but two resident families left who can bear witness to my childhood there.

As I drove down the familiar road heading out of town, I felt as if a part of my childhood called "Anchors Aweigh", and is preparing to set sail out of my life.  I'm not ready for that.  I don't know if one can ever be ready for that.   With the numerous hours of driving still to come that night, I had plenty of time to consider what this all meant for my life.  Of course, the truth of it all is plain to see, but difficult to grasp. 

My children, grandchildren, and young friends apparently see me as the old one.  The one to look up to.  To look to for an example of life, love, and all the good things that are possible.  I see the truth of my life, the many failures as well as successes, and wonder how I am able to be an example to anyone.  I see the need in their lives, the need to be loved, to be happy, to enjoy some part of life.  Then I see them run to me with big smiles and hugs, wanting to be thrown up in the air, or play ball, or call me with tears in their voices wanting me to unravel the madness in their lives. 

An anchor, I have become.

Fighting the Darkness, Fighting the Light

I performed in our church Christmas musical this past weekend.  This was our second year of putting on the same show, and will likely do it again for the next couple of years, which excites me greatly!  There were many great moments, and a few issues as well, as would be expected.  Two of them made me think…

This year we had a first, a Saturday matinee show at one o’clock in the afternoon.   Being a live stage production, there are many spotlights used during the production.  There are also moments that require blackouts for scenes to be reset, props to be moved around, and characters to move into position.    Our auditorium has a nice group of windows on one side, and doors and windows to a hall with outer windows on the other.  There are also three sets of windowed doors on the back leading to a foyer with more doors and windows that lead outside.  And, of course, Saturday was blessed with brilliant sunshine.   The stage crew was tasked with blocking out as much light as possible.  Curtains were hung and door glass was covered to allow as little light as possible to enter.  Sitting backstage beforehand, I was speaking with a fellow actor about the light issue.  I wasn’t, however, able to gauge how effective their efforts were until I was on stage.

During a lull in my part, I was able to glance out at the windows, and take in the stage crew’s light-blocking ability.  The dark red curtains placed over the windows were fairly effective, and yet I could see the curtains still glowing slightly from the sunshine’s assault.  On the other side, the windows were effectively covered, but there was light coming under the doors, a bright albeit thin line on the floor.  The rear doors were effectively covered, but again, with the bright thin line underneath.  A little later in the show, a group of carolers enter through the rear doors.  Normally, at night in December, there is darkness outside, so the only things initially seen are the candles held by the carolers.  With the foyer awash in brilliant sunshine, light bathed the carolers as they entered, and from my vantage point, I could see straight out the outer doors and into the parking lot.

I thought about this later, and was amazed at how difficult it is to try and block light from entering one’s life.  It requires a great deal of effort, and even the best guesses aren’t going to cover all the cracks, and all the situations where light will find its way through.  To live in a complete blackout, one must face the light, search out the cracks, and seal them.  Finally, one must stay sequestered in this blackened area to avoid light entirely. 

Being on stage is something I love.  I’ve done so little of it, yet it has taken a deep hold in me.  To perform a scene well is good.  To create a memorable moment for an audience is bliss.  To react to unscripted moments is great fun, and is a skill I’m developing.  Staring into a spotlight, or in that general direction at least, causes a wonderful case of blindness that isn’t very useful backstage.  If you haven’t had the experience, being blinded by a spotlight, then rushing offstage and through a small, very dark passage is an adventure.  Its even more fun when one encounters not only the darkness, but stage crew, props, and other temporarily blinded actors. 

To alleviate this dilemma, there were numerous solutions proposed, many of them vetoed due to their projecting too much light onto the stage.  In the end, there was glow tape used on the floor, and chemical glow sticks giving off a dull light to mark the way.  My observation here occurred during a mass exit offstage, where the first blind actor was able to see the glow tape on the floor and find their way.  The second actor couldn’t see the floor due to the actor in front of them blocking the tape, but was able to follow the first actor sufficiently well.  From the third actor back, it was fairly useless trying to follow anyone, and became a task of feeling the wall with one hand and a hand in front to avoid walking into something or someone else.  Again, completely blind.  There was some help from the stage hands, who would grab me and point me in the right direction, and say “Straight Ahead”, but that only worked for a step or two, after which “straight ahead” bore little meaning.  It was the walls that eventually got me there, knowing which actors I should bump into at certain places, and eventually, if I was backstage long enough, my pupils adjusting to the low light levels. 

When I am blind, there are useful things to help.  The stagehands can direct me, but that only helps for a bit.  Unless my eyes adjust quickly, I will lose my way.  The walls certainly help, and if I am familiar with the walls, and the stage construction, I can find my way around by feel.  There are even other blinded actors who are attempting to lead the way.  There are ways to compensate for blindness, but they are not equal to sight.  The only thing that will cure darkness is light.

Ode to the Unwritten Poem

I said to myself, "Self, sit down and write a poem.  Its only been a few, uh, decades since the last one."  So here I sit, looking around me, thinking about my day, trying to find a poem.  The air feels thick, like suffocatingly thick.  Like inspiration waiting to be engaged.  All around me are poems, waiting to be written, but I can't see them.  I can feel their presence, just out of reach.  Just out of sight.  Around the next corner.  Waiting.  Waiting to be written.  And if I walk away, they die.

Where are you, unwritten poem?
Why do you hide your face from me?
Show yourself, this is your time
Time to be known, time to be free.

Why can't I see, unwritten friend
Poem I've carried through the day
You've lingered almost to the end
Tell your tale, have your say.

Speak your substance, make us hear
Fill these lines with gracious prose
Caress my heart until it weeps
Down every road your story goes.

Take my hand and lead me through
Some wooded world where life does sway
Amid the light of waking love
The misty dawn of love's first day.

Tell me tales of flying dragons
Wooden ships of ages past
Knights and maidens, friend and foe
Lives erased, and futures cast

Sing of romance, bittersweet
Triumphs of an army strong
Speak of battles lost and won
And passion, right and wrong

Your tale remains beyond my grasp
Without beginning, hast not ended
Without my ears to hear your prayer
Your soul is naught, your birth suspended

I'd like to hear of butterflies
Of singing birds or fuzzy chicks
I'd listen to the lore of bugs
Or stones or streams or sand or sticks.

Oh come now, how about some food
A poem of pizza would suffice
A poem of apple pie would do
Of either one, I'd love a slice

How sad this effort has become
Inspiration lost in spades
How painful is this process now
To sit by as this poem degrades.

I guess it was a silly thought
To waste my precious time at home
To think that I could write a whit
To dream that I could write a poem.

To think you might have tasted life
Had I prolonged, had I been smitten
But tears aren't shed for songs unsung
For life unlived, for poems unwritten.

Yeah, you know what, I'm tired.  Forget this stupid poetry thing.  Why try this junk when I could be sleeping.  Or eating.  Or clipping my toenails.  Yeah.  Nevermind.

Monday Haters Unite!

So its Monday, the day that inevitably rolls around every week.  Just the name "Monday" evokes emotions ranging from quiet frustration to felonious rage.  And as such, there is no shortage of those fellow beings who trample the quiet solitude of a blessed sunrise with outrage and general dissatisfaction.

I take personal umbrage at those disharmonious wailings.  I love Mondays.  Mornings in general are a time to take in the day ahead, come what may.  Opportunites lie in wait, not revealing their faces so cleverly shrouded in the soon-to-be.  Monday is much the same, but on a much broader scale.  It looks forward to any number of days, up to the next Monday, of course.  Monday would never disrespect itself!  To take in a week in advance, what a blessing!  Just think of everything that has happened over the past seven days.  Yes, there were bumps in the road, but what Monday offered was an opportunity to set a course and face those bumps with the steely determination of a champion! 

But, sadly, for many, that never happens.  Monday becomes a begrudging necessity, a buzzing sound in the amplifier of life, a viscous sludge one must navigate to get to Tuesday.  What loss!  Dare I say, without man's invention of coffee, Monday might have become a national day of perpetual mourning.  The crying of tears, the gnashing of teeth, hissing, clawing attitudes of Mondays truly makes one want to dissociate one's person from life itself, for at least a 16-hour period.  (The last 8 hours are generally spent sleeping:  either with the complainer not complaining, or me not hearing.)

What we need is a solution to Monday.  An answer to the quandary that brings all things bright and beautiful to a screeching halt once a week.  And I have the answer!

Now, I have no great respect for the unions of today.  Large, unwieldy, much like the puppet government they resemble and support.  I will not, however, take away all the good they have accomplished in their history:  limiting work weeks, benefits for the little guy, child labor laws, etcetera, etcetera, et al, amen.  The establishment of a forty-hour work week brought great prosperity to the heart of this great nation, allowing individuals to add "quality time" to their lives, thus making them more productive workers, not to mention the institution of the concept of "weekend".  This "weekend" not only allowed workers to be home more often with their families, thus keeping the homesteads in greater peace and harmony, it also instituted new traditions like weekend camping, Saturday morning cleaning, and Friday night drinking binges.  But basically, one can also define "weekend" as "non-employment".  Though there may be work to do at home, it isn't for one's employer, and thus doesn't qualify for the title of "work", or egregious bemoaning.

Weekends are fun.  Work is not.  Weekends are relaxing.  Work is stressful.  I could go on, but you get my point.  So its no surprise that when Monday morning rolls around, many would don the apparel of recalcitrance.  My solution:  Eliminate Weekends!  With weekends out of the way, there would be no stoppage of work.  When Monday rolls around, it would be like every other day.  A day to get up and go to work.  There would be no emotional let-down.  No weekend to miss.  No difference between the fun that was just had and the work directly ahead.  Monday could be like every other day, and thus the elimination of Monday-hating.  Of course, the hatred would find other avenues, like increased-workload hating, or my-homelife-is-falling-apart hating, and we would develop a yearning for things like weekends, and even that blessed Monday morning so unequivocally despised.

Or, we could just wake up Monday morning, grateful that we had the opportunity to rest for a few days, grateful that we have a job to work, grateful that we have one more day to live and grow.  Its your choice, and in the end, that's what it comes down to.

Cold Coffee and Anonymous Universality

My coffee is cold.  Its been sitting next to me for two hours.  That's ok, I've learned to drink coffee cold.  I only started drinking coffee four years ago, and I absolutely love it now.  I'm not a coffeeholic, I only drink one occasionally.  But like a good friend, its always close by, and there when I need it.  If you're wondering, Green Mountain's Nantucket flavor is my favorite. 

But this isn't about coffee.  Its about what I've been doing for the past two hours.  So I'm new to the blogosphere, and decided to do a little checking around.  There's a funny little link up on top, called "Next Blog".  My, oh my, what a world that opens up.  If you haven't tried it yet, clear your calendar for the next two hours.

I hear we're gonna hit seven billion people on earth soon.  I can believe it, because most of them blog!  The artists and illustrators really caught my eye.  Amazing stuff.  Its a world that bears no familiarity with me, so most of what was displayed seemed amazing.  Next Blog.  Photos and stories of grandkids, well, that's somebody's life, and it is the world to them.  Great for them.  Next Blog.  Skateboarders.  Filmmakers.  Next Blog.  Next Blog.  On and on.  How did I end up in the Greek universe?  Back up.  Next Blog.

I never read a blog before, yet here I am blogging.  Seems arrogant.  Maybe a little.  But one word keeps going through my head:  anonymous.  I'm not unknown to those close to me.  Truly.  If you know me, you know me!  But the world in a larger sense?  Do I want to remain anonymous?  Maybe, at forty-six years old, I believe I have something to say.  To contribute.  To help. 

Did I find any interesting blogs during my time?  Sure.  I may follow one or two.  If someone is next-blogging, and they find mine, what will they think?  I guess my hope is they can find something to make them feel, or make them think.  The point of all this, and I always have a point, is that I don't have to remain anonymous.  Its a big world.  There's a lot of people.  And I matter, but only if I want to.

One Size Does Not Fit All

I stared at the cherry pie on the counter.  Half of it was gone, the remainer was neatly cut into the typical four pieces, as pies generally are.  Why?  I asked myself why I would want one piece?  I'm sure the symmetry was beautiful when the pie was whole.  And easy to cut?  Yes.  Symmetry and laziness in a pie.  But listen.  I'm a big guy.  I've been bigger, sure, but I know my body.  I exercised and dieted my way from morbidly obese to overweight, according to the much-maligned BMI scale.  I can eat more than one piece and not suffer adversely.  Fine, why not just take two?

Do you have a microwave oven where you have to input the cooking time on the front panel?  I caught myself one day entering 2:00 to cook a plate of leftovers.  I stopped and asked myself, why 2:00?  My second choice was 3:00.  WHY??  In this world, we are surrounded by social constructs.  Stop at the redlight for 20 seconds, it turns green, you have 20 seconds to navigate the intersection.  Punch the timeclock, with a two minute allowance either way.  Sit down, be quiet, turn cellphones off here, no chewing gum.  Most of these are purposed to allow us as people to live together in society as peaceably as possible.  And when someone disturbs the peace, look out!  He ran a redlight!  You can't smoke in here!  Your dog can't come in here, it doesn't matter if only his nose is sticking out of your purse! 

Have you tried letting your phone ring, and just listening to it ring without giving in to the urge to pick up the call?  No looking at the caller ID, that's cheating!  Have you tried inputting 2:32 on your microwave?  We're all victims of social constructs, to the point where they invade our thought processes and deeply affect our personal lives.  Yes, you have been conditioned.  I'm not saying its necessarily a bad thing.  The bad thing is to be unaware. 

I took two pieces of pie, and thoroughly enjoyed every bite.  I could have cut the second piece into a five-eighths/three-eighths split, but I didn't.  I actually thought about it, but I didn't.  And its not because I'm symmetrical.

The 26 Days of Thanksgiving

A tradition has developed.  Not sure if it started on Facebook, but that's where I saw it first.  Starting with the letter "A" on November 1st, a person will spend the days leading to Thanksgiving listing what they are thankful for.  For example, on November 1st, I would say I am thankful for apples, autumn, America, and Ann (my sister-in-law). 

I decided to deviate somewhat, and pick a word that meant something to me, then define and describe it.  What started out as a simple matter turned into a heady, thought-provoking month.  The list was thrown together in about 5 minutes, minus a few letters.  I changed a few words last minute, and I actually typed out a "T" word, erased it all, changed the word, typed a bunch, erased that, then changed the word again, and finally finished.  November was also a very busy month of work for me, and there were times when I started work later than I had planned.  The pressure to finish the word and go to work was great, and possibly kept me from overthinking the whole process.  One of my biggest fears in a work like this is sounding pompous.  It was a simple task, and although it went beyond simple, I tried to keep it as such.  Oh, I can also ramble easily, so I'll get to the words now.

I am thankful for: A - Abundance. When God is sufficient, I am humbled. When God is abundant, I am dumbstruck.

I am thankful for: B - Blessing. To give to those in need, and to receive when needy. Without caring for each other, life would seem rather pointless.

I am thankful for: C - Charity. To give without expectation of return is not in my selfish nature. I mean, nothing in return: no thank you card, no smile, no handshake, no claiming the amount on my taxes (Ouch!)... Charity benefits the recipient, but true charity builds character in the giver. Thank you for the example given to me, that I may attempt to live in a similar fashion.

I am thankful for: D - Duty. Belonging to a unit that is bigger than oneself is how we were created. It starts with family, and matures into job, church, country, pick something. Having a sense of responsibility to that unit, and giving what you can, up to and including your life, should be accepted as a normal part of existence, and fulfilled with honor.

I am thankful for: E - Eternity. What if life was you're born, you live, and then you die. Disappear from existence completely. I just don't think I could handle that very well. I have hope, hope for something better.

I am thankful for: F - Forgiveness. In the financial world, forgiving a debt is cancelling it. The debtor owes, but the debt owner decides the debtor has to pay nothing for the balance of the debt, now or ever. The debt is still on the books, but it is a zero balance. I have been wrong in my life, sometimes very wrong. And the people who I have wronged have sometimes said to me, "You have wronged me, but I forgive you.". Its not like I never wronged them, they simply don't demand recompense, whether it be reparations, or punishment. I owe them nothing, and it is their choice alone to free me from my debt. By their kind example, I have learned to forgive others.

I am thankful for: G - Grace. Many definitions of grace. The grace I've been given isn't the charm and poise definition. You only have to know me for 2 minutes to know how little grace I possess. The grace I have been given is best described as "unmerited favor". There's no deed I can do, no emotion I can conjure, no thought I can possess that would make me worthy of grace. To be given good things that I don't deserve is a gift that baffles me. But like forgiveness, it is a choice made by the one giving grace, not by the one receiving it. This was a tough one for me to define exclusively. Sorry Diane, not as eloquent on this one, but in 3 and 7 days, it will be more clear ;-)

I am thankful for: H - Humility. "Not thinking more of myself than I ought" is challenging at times. I want to be important, I want to have a voice, I'm not an idiot. But there are times when I need to behave according to my current station in life. My actions and attitudes should reflect the reality of my position, and not my interpretation of it. The good news is, this is a free and great country, and if I'm not happy with my current station, I can work to improve it. So I can either think I'm more than I am, or I can work to actually be more than I am. It works with relationships, also. I can think I am more important to someone than I really am, and then be really hurt when I find out I'm not. Then its a matter of working towards a better relationship, if that's what both parties want. I always pictured a humble person as someone on their hands and knees, a very subservient position. But that's not humility. Humility is also not thinking less of myself than I ought, which brings incredible strength to the concept. For me, being humble is not overstepping my boundaries, and doing my best wherever I am at. If its cleaning toilets, they should sparkle. If its leading a force to war, there should be great confidence in the leader, that the leader will perform with the voice of a commander and the heart of a servant towards those they lead. Making coffee, filing paperwork, sellling cars, running a business... all can be performed with either humility, or with arrogance. There have been times when I have been "brought down a notch", and have "eaten humble pie". I thought more highly of myself than I ought, and those with a better grip of reality were tasked with making that reality clear to me. Its never fun to be humbled, but an honest look at our attitude will show the necessity of it, and how it will help us to grow if we allow it. "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you", and humble pie won't be on the menu.

I am thankful for: I - Idiosyncrasies. From the Greek, a mingling of one's individual temperaments. A more modern adaptation is the actual peculiar quirks themselves. I've always been a little different, one step off the beaten path, walk on the grass next to a perfectly good sidewalk type of person. I've tried to change, really I have, but I was truly unhappy trying to live as someone who wasn't me. And those around me weren't terribly happy, either. I have learned to accept my peculiar traits, because its in the mingling of all of them that I find my personality. There are, unfortunately, some of my peculiarities that can be annoying, and require a bit of tolerance on the part of others who wish to deal with me. But that's ok with me, because I have to be tolerant of your annoying idiosyncrasies as well ;) As long as my overall behavior is socially acceptable, uncriminal, and responsible, then I am thankful for, and should delight in, those good quirks that make me me, and try to not flaunt the terribly annoying quirks that also make me me.

I am thankful for: J - Justice. A decision made towards a wrong committed, based in righteousness and integrity. Or, the punishment fits the crime. After Forgiveness and Grace a few days ago, how do I write about justice? Where does giving too much grace, too much forgiveness make me a doormat? I suppose it's all in the attitude of the heart. If I'm focused on myself, I see my hurt, and want you to hurt, probably more than me. If I'm focused on love, then I hurt for you, and its more important to see your heart restored than restitution for me. Justice, then, would be served when I am restored, materially and physically, plus something for my hardships. If I commit an injustice, performing restitution is important for my finding my way back to a heart of righteousness. If forgiveness and grace are performed from the heart of the giver, justice is a tool that can build restoration and maturity in the heart of the unrighteous. I am thankful to live in a society where justice is treasured, even if not always served properly. We still try. And I'm thankful that when I'm wrong, there's a path for me to find my way back.

 

I am thankful for: K - Kindling. I have always challenged myself when lighting fires, whether it be a fireplace, firepit, or charcoal grill, to get it going with only one match. Doesn't always happen, but I've gotten a lot better over the years. Since one match won't light a log on fire, kindling is a very important step. What mix of kindling is available, how it is set up, assuring proper airflow light the match, and Whoosh! We got fire! Watch how the smoke rises, how everything catches fire in its turn, then you're sitting with warm feet and s'mores. Or, the fire just goes out, and the second match is required. Sometimes more than two matches. Eventually, with enough matches and a good accelerant, a roaring fire can be had. Relationships are like that. Some are perfectly set up, and a spark can light a lifetime aflame. Some relationships take more work, more tending. Kindling doesn't determine what type of fire you will eventually have, it just determines how much work it will take to get there. Be patient and smart with the kindling, and the log will eventually warm up.

 

I am thankful for: L - Laughter. I've never been afraid to laugh. Out loud. Sometimes I sound like my grandmother. Other times its the quiet convulsing type. I don't really care, as long as I'm laughing. Sometimes I've laughed at the wrong things, the wrong people. I've offended people with my laughter (sorry, Jerry). I've laughed as a defense mechanism, because I didn't want to cry. When I was younger, and mad at my brother, he would start telling really stupid jokes just to make me laugh, then I couldn't be mad at him because we were both laughing so hard. But for the most part, when I laugh, I know I'm comfortable with whom I am around, and am enjoying my current situation. We will struggle, we will cry, but that's all a part of life. Being happy is certainly preferable. I am thankful for all my friends here, because I can't think of one of you with whom I would not be comfortable sharing a good laugh.

 

I am thankful for: M - Mercy. From the 6th century, to show compassion to the helpless. Later, adapted by the courts to show a punishment that has been mitigated by a compassionate judge. Used often in the Bible as a plea to God for leniency. What defender walks into a court and doesn't want leniency? If you've ever wronged another person, and I have a few times, its in their hands to demand justice, but don't you always hope they'll be kind? Why would they be kind? Lenient? Compassionate? Merciful? Because chances are they've also committed a wrong at some point. Fact is, we all have. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." (Matthew 5:7, Holy Bible). A person who has received mercy is more apt to give mercy, and the greater the offense and disposition of mercy, the more likely a person is to desire mercy for others. I am thankful for the mercy given to me, so I should then go out and be merciful. A great and simple way to end this four-part microseries is this: Justice is getting what you deserve. Mercy is not getting what you deserve. Grace is getting what you don't deserve. And Forgiveness is no longer deserving anything.

 

I am thankful for: N - Name. I did a study on Helen Keller once, and she was a pure devil until Annie Sullivan broke through. That day at the water pump, she realized water had a name, and that gave the water value in her mind. She spent the rest of the day, and well beyond, realizing all those things that had names had some sort of place in her life. I think about my own name, and what sort of impact it has on this world. When others hear my name, what do they think? Does my name have value in their lives? I realize there are some who don't give a lick what their name means, outside their own little circle. I believe I should be able to carry my name with pride wherever I go, because it is what connects me to the processes of the world beyond myself. I should also respect the names of those who deem their name worthy of respect, and live lives according to that belief. I am thankful for my name, and more so for the opportunity to make it worth something.

 

I am thankful for: O - Opportunity. From the Latin opportunus, towards a port or harbor. Our society is accustomed to going where we want, when we want, and getting there NOW! Sailing ships had to wait days or weeks for the right moment to sail into a port. Weather, tides, daylight, other ship traffic, waiting for the opportune moment to bring her in. I have missed many opportunites in my life due to misread circumstances, poor timing, bad judgment, being unfamiliar with the ground I was covering. But I have also taken advantage of open doors, and walked through them to find the goodness awaiting me. Sometimes, its less about the actual goal, and more about finding the courage to simply head in that direction. I am thankful for this society we live in. Opportunities for a better life are all around me. I have to be open to the possibilities, and possess the courage and stamina to make it through.

 

I am thankful for: P - Perseverance. If you were to ask me when I've persevered in life, I could quickly come up with many, many examples of problems and issues I've had to deal with, and how I suffered through to the end. That's not perseverance. From the Latin, very strict. Perseverance involves a discipline that goes far beyond solving a problem, or working out a relationship, or just suffering through some hardship. There's a mindset in use that doesn't allow quitting under any circumstances, even during the worst of it. Perseverance is walking a line that doesn't waiver, regardless of what storms assault you, or when the ground is crumbling beneath your feet. Ask me about those times in my life, and there are just a few. During those times when life tried to suck the breath out of me, I learned what perseverance really is. I am thankful for perseverance not because I am strong or capable, but because I know who and what I can rely on when my strength and courage fails.

 

I am thankful for: Q - Quandaries. I love puzzles. Any type of puzzle. We currently have a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle on our table, almost finished. Only been two and a half weeks! Crosswords, sudoku, brain teasers... Oh, and those wrought-iron scrolled metal puzzles where you have to separate the two pieces! I love challenging my brain to find the logic in a puzzle. Make it work, think hard, figure it out, complete the challenge. I think puzzles are very important for our development, because in life, the puzzles we encounter usually aren't simply a logic-bender. They become quandaries when they involve emotions, real-life consequences, and may affect others' lives as well. And they usually aren't fun. Why would I then be thankful for quandaries? Because they allow me the opportunity for success in life. This is a harsh, difficult world we live in, and problem-solving under challenging circumstances is a learned behavior. I don't want the success in my life to be attributed to others solving my problems and making decisions for me. Sharing my life's successes is fine, but as a mature and responsible adult, I need to find solutions to my own problems. Puzzles teach me to think logically and to search for solutions. Fighting through quandaries builds my character, making me a stronger person and a more capable friend.

 

I am thankful for: R - Relaxation. After P and Q, I need a little R & R! From the Latin laxus, slack, and its derivative relaxare, to stretch out again, loosen. Just saying the word "relax" makes me want to find the nearest couch, kick off my shoes, and grab a cold glass of my favorite beverage: lemonade. Relaxing doesn't just feel good, its necessary. I've gone through spurts where it was very difficult to find time to chill, and it produces unhealthy results physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm in a time right now where life is crazy, and its hard to find enough hours to sleep, let alone relax. And the holidays are upon us. But I must find time to relax, or no one will like me very much. So bring on the heat, I've been through it before, but do me a favor: If you've worked hard, stressed out, and gotten through yet another week of insanity, at some point today, raise your glass, and be thankful that you are able to stop and take one minute to forget the world, then close your eyes and breathe deeply. Commit some time this weekend to relax. Yes, I know you don't have any. Find it! We need a functioning you, but we would prefer liking you while you do it. I'm off to another long day at work, but that couch won't be far from my thoughts! (Author's note: Besides my own, this wasn't pointed in any particular direction. If you think I am speaking about you, then I am, and you are way too stressed and need to follow my advice!)

 

I am thankful for: S - Salvation. I'm not a bible-thumping, in your face, forward-this-email-or-burn type of Christian. In fact, I'm generally a non-confrontational type, at times to my detriment. But this is what I'm thankful for, so I will say this: More than my Mom. My Dad. Siblings. Kids. Wife. Family. Friends I consider family. A church I consider family. A house, a job, food, sleep, clean underwear, and chocolate raw milk. More than anything or anyone I've encountered in my forty-six years of life on this planet, I am thankful for my salvation in Jesus Christ. If I could only be thankful for one thing, if I had to pick just one thing in my entire life... it would be the birth, life, death, resurrection, and future return of my Lord and Savior.

I am thankful for: T - Trust. There are things we trust that we never have to think about. Laws of nature, for instance. Gravity is great for keeping me from floating off. Or the government. My paycheck will continue to get smaller, no matter how much I earn. Its simply a done deal. Trust in relationships is a tougher deal. We are all human, prone to mistakes and missteps, judgment calls, and emotional decisions. Depending on another can be quite a risk. I am thankful for those in my life who have demonstrated a trustworthy character, and taught me the importance of such behavior.

 

I am thankful for: U - Unicycle. If you've been my fb friend at all this year, you will understand this one. I learned how to ride 25 years ago, but just really got into riding early this year. I actually haven't ridden in about a month, due to the power outage, Scrooge, the time change, and my insane work schedule. I will say again, I believe it could be my favorite exercise, ever. That would take a little more time to determine, because I have just scratched the surface of what I'm capable of, and am still riding on a learner. But if a learner is this much fun, I can't wait to develop my skills. And get some better equipment. Have I mentioned how great an exercise it is? It works everything from the rib cage down, all the time. Ride for an hour, it is a true hour-long workout. Its insane, and it will keep me in great shape for many years to come. I haven't enjoyed, truly enjoyed, exercising like this since my teenage days. And for all of you nay-sayers who think you could never do it, you're actually saying I'm special because I can. I'm not. I just want to. I'm so thankful for my unicycle. You really have no idea.

 

I am thankful for: V - Variety. As the old saying goes, "Variety is the spice of life." From the Latin, diversity. Differences within the same group. You can't have a variety of apples and oranges, but you can have a variety of apples, or a variety of fruit. I find myself in routines many times. Get up, shower, eat cereal in a bowl with banana and milk. A glass of OJ with my meds. Get dressed with jeans and a polo. Do the same job. Talk to the same people. Life could get old really quick, so I change things up. Eat different cereals. Wear a different color shirt. Throw out a fb hello to someone I haven't talked to in a while. Those all seem like little things, but they make the same day after day routine tolerable. The big changes come during holidays and vacations, and are necessary to remind us that we may be tied down to a particular manner of living, but there's still a big world out there to take our mind off things, even for just a bit. Then, there's us. I went over this on Day "I", but I will say I'm glad for the variety within us as people. I would certainly not want to be you, and I'm fairly sure you wouldn't want to be me. Trust me on that one. However you want to group us, I'm glad for the variety in our personalities. As I go about my day today, I will remember to thankful for the necessary stability in my life, but also the differences that make life shine!

 

I am thankful for: W - Wisdom. As a young lad, I figured I was fairly wise. Actually, I did pretty well learning from the mistakes of others. Problem was, I later learned, that for every mistake I learned to not commit, I usually invented two of my own, some worse than others, some bearing or not bearing consequences equal to the action. Wisdom requires right knowledge coupled with just action. I don't always know rightly or act justly, but learning from these opportunities is how wisdom grows in me. I would hope to have grown wise over the years, but there is one thing I have learned: The final lesson of wisdom is that there is always, always one more mistake to make. Such is life, and I would not have it any other way.

 

I am thankful for: X - X-Ray. Before x-rays, people thought it was crazy to be able to see inside a body. For the first time in human history, man was able to see inside a body without surgery. Much less guesswork, and diagnoses were much more accurate. With the advent of greater medical technologies, we've greatly surpassed the x-ray's ability, but it was the x-ray that broke the medical mol...d. What was inside the body, hidden, was now viewable. For Christians, the Bible is our x-ray machine, our way to see inside. Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." That doesn't sound very comforting. There are times when I behave because I should always behave, and then there are times when I behave because I know there will be negative consequences. Then, of course, there are times when I just do what I want because I don't care. I can hide my thoughts and intents from most, but if I apply biblical principles, the truth is always revealed. That is a very comforting thought, because it keeps me honest. Mostly :-/

 

I am thankful for: Y - Yearning. There's something great about getting what I want. The right Christmas present, my favorite dessert on Thanksgiving, having the people in my life that I love, life in general moving in a positive direction. But how many, many stories have I heard about rich people having everything they could ever want and still feeling empty? From the Old English, to eagerly desire. This is different from a want. I can want to go snowboarding, but I yearn to go snowboarding with my son. There's a much deeper emotional level attached to yearning than just wanting. Yearning brings hope, and extra motivation to do all that is possible to help fulfill what is missing. I've learned to live peacefully with what I have, that wanting is a good thing when its not solely out of lust, and the holes in my heart that cause me to yearn for something cause great joy when that desire is fulfilled.

 

I'm thankful for: Z - Zee End. Go on, tell me I'm cheating. Fine. There weren't any Z words that really jumped out at me. Rosalie suggested zeal, but I really haven't had a life-long enthusiastic devotion to anything, enthusiastic being the key word. I've always been a low-key personality. Some of you may not believe that, because I do get excited about things, but for a lifelong, high-level passion, I just haven't been anything close to zealous. So this is the end of my first self-imposed writing assignment, and I liked it. It was difficult for my undisciplined person to sit in a chair and type every day, but I made it through. With the overtime I was getting, some days were amazingly difficult to find the time. I think one word, one little paragraph, took almost an hour. Many took at least a half hour. On the other hand, if I had had more time, I may have over-thought things, written too much, tried to sound like more than I am. If that did happen, my apologies. I am thankful its over, would like to find another avenue for writing, we'll see what happens. Until then, thanks for being a gracious audience.

A Virgin No Longer

My pure white text box has become tainted with black scribbles.  Even if I delete it all and start again, it doesn't change what I've done.  Its a lot like losing one's virginity, in the sexual sense.  Whether its secretive or well-publicized, once accomplished, its an act that can't be changed.  Our culture uses the virgin concept in a lot of different ways.  Drinking alcohol to excess, driving a car, going to certain places, or watching a specific movie.  Once accomplished, you can't say you've never participated.  Well, you could lie about it, I suppose.  So the question becomes, at what point do you decide to give in?  Sure, it depends on the activity, and some have greater consequences than others, but there usually comes a point where you make a decision to move forward. 

I decided to start this blog after this year's Thanksgiving holiday.  On November 1st, I decided to participate in the 26 Days of Thanksgiving, where each day represents a letter, and people list what they are thankful for, beginning with that letter.  I took a different avenue, and chose one word to define and describe.  It turned into quite a task, and a self-imposed writing assignment which became difficult to follow through on some days.  But I was quite happy with the results.  I enjoyed sitting and writing each day, and spending the previous day, in most cases, thinking about the next day's word.  I will probably make my second blog the collection of all of those words. 

My friend Diane told me if I ever started writing somewhere, she would subscribe, and it got me thinking about doing something like this.  So here I am, losing my blog virginity.  I have no plans for what this will become.  I have no plans to sit and write every day.  I have no specific direction in mind, I am quite sure the topics will be quite diverse.  The only thought I had about content was triggered by my friend Ginger's post about looking forward to being on a farm next summer.  Its not December yet, and I miss my garden terribly.  It was something I truly enjoyed.  So you can expect some gardening blogs.  As I sit here and think, some Christian blogs, because that is the core of my life.  Alex is planning to leave home next year, the last of our kids, so expect some empty nesting material as well.  I am, at the moment, terrified of that.  Unicycling and working out, to be sure.  I am very happy with how loose my 36 jeans are currently fitting.  I plan on setting some personal fitness records, and maybe, dare I say it, a six-pack next summer? 

I can't say thanks for reading in every blog, that would get cumbersome, so I'll say it now.  Without you, I would just be writing to myself, and although not pointless, it would be terribly lonely.  So Thank You for visiting me In The Animal Cage.