Bridled Enthusiasm

I have enjoyed running soundboards at various churches throughout my life.  It all started many years ago when I was in the Navy.  Being an Electronics Technician, and loving music, the idea of running the soundboard at my church seemed like a great fit for me.  It was, and has been for twenty years.  Creating an atmosphere of worship through the blending of voice and instrument is a challenge that I love.  The first Sunday of every month is my day to run sound.  My current church has a great worship team!  There is a broad range of age and experience to test my mixing skills. 

I have played instruments in the past, but in no way would I consider myself a musician. It started in junior high school with trumpet. Trombone followed in senior high, with a little guitar and piano. Very little. I tried drums for a little while in my twenties, but that was just fun, not proficient. 

So it happened two weeks ago.  I heard something I didn't like.  The guitarist is young, just back from college.  An engaging, very likeable guy, and enthusiastic about playing and worshipping.  During one of the songs, he became a little too enthusiastic.  The verses were softer, but the chorus was loud and uptempo.  I had to turn him off during the chorus, something just didn't sound quite right.  The next chorus came around, and I listened more intently, specifically to his guitar.  What I heard was noise.  Not music, noise.  I watched him playing.  He was into it.  Eyes closed, body rocking, strumming for all he was worth.  Still, noise.

As stated before, I'm not a musician, but I do know when something doesn't sound right.  It was pretty simple.  He plays well, a skilled musician.  He could hear himself play, with a skeletal selection of the band coming through his earpiece monitor.  One ear for the band, one ear for his guitar.  He heard himself play, felt himself play, and his music flowed through him.  What I heard out of the house speakers was entirely different.  A complete blend of all instruments, and all voices, without the benefit of hearing and feeling the actual acoustical instrument.  His intense strumming, which sounded like music to him, sounded like harsh hitting of the strings when blended with everyone else.  The sound of the strings being hit hard could be heard, but the sound of music was lost.  All I heard was noise. 

And then God told me how I was the same way.  I can be highly enthusiastic at times.  No, really!  I have had to apologize at times for going a little too far, pushing a little too hard, being a little too excited.  There are times when high energy is good, and then there are the other times.  Emotions can be a distraction in a team evironment, like work, or relationships. I have to be aware of how I am blending with others around me, and not just how I sound to myself. 

Mixing an overly-enthusiastic guitarist with a band didn't sound good.  In fact, it sounded bad, and was a distraction to the music, which is why I shut him off during the chorus.  While its good for me to be highly enthusiastic about the task at hand, I have to remember that I'm usually not functioning alone.  A team works best when each member understands their part in the whole, producing the best outcome for the intended recipients.

My overly-enthusiastic nature needs to keep this in mind, and I thank God that He reminds me of my shortcomings, not to embarass or deride me, but to work in me, and produce the best I can give.

(I did speak with the guitarist after the service, and he was open to hearing my opinion.  Plus, I mentioned I would be blogging about this, and he smiled and nodded.  I took that as consent.) 

Bring on the Chill!!

Gonna freeze tonight.  Temps in the 20's, and its only mid-October.  It's mildly reminiscient of the freak blizzard last October that shut down power for a week.  It was very cold, and we lived like pioneers, almost.  I heated water on a charcoal grill outside so we could sponge-bathe inside.  Brrrrr. 

My wife and I smiled through most of it, although I think the smiles were sometimes frozen in place.  Few of us wish for the hard-er life commonly known as "the good ol' days", and with good reason.  They were hard!  With proper planning and a chance for acclimation, I'm sure we could go back, but would we really want to?

Our garden happened in spades.  A plentiful crop this year highlighted our inability to deal with copious amounts of fresh produce.  That's already being addressed for next year.  As of today, the garden is ready for tilling, but I still have a few plants out.  They're gonna die tonight.  My friend Jim is giving me some winter wheat to plant for cold cover, and I am extremely appreciative.  In the spring I can till the wheat back into the ground, as nutrients for next year's crop.  The garden is all planned, and the seed list is exhaustive.  Who knew that seed shopping could be so much fun?

The truck needs the muffler fixed, and the emergency brake tightened.  The car needs brake work, too.  The house?  Don't get me started.  Inside and out, there's plenty that needs attention.  New windows for certain, much painting, and a complete rewire of the electrics.  Most of what it needs is cosmetic, fortunately. 

The list of needs is long, and the list of wants is longer.  And that's why, on a Friday night, I sit in the basement of a hospital.  Which brings me back to tomorrow.  Or is that forward to tomorrow?  It's gonna be cold. 

Rambling?  No.  There's always work to be done.  There's always planning, anticipation, budgeting.  There's always weather to face.  Tomorrow, its cold weather.    But with planning and acclimation, we'll make it.  Why?  Love.  Not a cheap, chick-flick love.  Not a fantasy fairytale love.  Not a shallow superficial love.  A love based on a vow.  A drudgery, gotta scrub the kitchen floor again love.  A team, I'll grow the food and you cook it love.  An accepting, you're a mess but you did it for us love.  An enticing, you clean up kinda good love.  An embracing, its cold outside but you're warm in here love. 

I leave work late, home at midnight.  It'll be cold.  But I know what's waiting for me:  a hug and a kiss, a smile, a kind word, and a heart, happy to be near mine.  That'll weather any storm.

The Last Leaf

I've broken my left collarbone.  That's my third broken collarbone in seven years.  All three were sports-related, and all have a common cause:  going too fast.  Whether its a bicycle or a snowboard, it seems I haven't learned my lesson yet.  Being considered less productive and an insurance liability, my job has unceremoniously decided to sit me at home until further notice.  It should only be a few weeks. 

Trying to set my course for the next two weeks at home, writing seems to be a good way to pass the time.  I haven't done much lately, preferring to spend my time preparing for this year's garden, and breaking bones.  I've spent some of today going through my hard drive, and all the files I've saved over the years.  The earliest is a .wav file from November 1996.  I also have a poem I wrote in 1997, my last year of owning/operating "Lighthouse Windows and Gutters". 

I was cleaning out gutters in the early winter of '97, behind someone's house.  Don't remember which customer, but the fenced-in pool and 2.5 story backside of the house are clear.  Also clear are the trees bordering the backyard, bare and lifeless, except for a solitary leaf that hadn't given it up yet.  Somehow, this amazed me.  So much, in fact, the idea for the poem materialized in my head.  I wrote most of it on the drive home.  The save date on my harddrive is January 16, 1998, so I'll go with that as the official date.

The Last Leaf

I saw the last leaf fall today
Incredible but true
So silently it drifted down
Its fate long overdue.

Well, I could scarce believe my eyes
What miracle was spent
For me to own this privilege
And see this grand event

Twas long ago in seasons past
I very well remember
When all its family had fallen
Late into December

A very few refused to fall
And hung so stubbornly
To barren branches reaching out
From one peculiar tree

Then came the wind and snow and ice
The brunt of winter's force
Was cast upon those stubborn leaves
As nature took its course

And one by one, they all gave in
Their strength was no more found
Their grip was loosed, they joined the rest
Decaying on the ground.

Yet this one leaf had clung to life
Determined not to die
Its grip was fast and sure and strong
Its resolution high

I've often stood with wondrous awe
Beholding nature's sights
And here, this little leaf survived
Through snowy days and nights.

Well, if a little leaf can make
A fool of nature's ways
Then surely I can rise above
The cards that nature plays

So with my newfound strength I live
Much like the leaf before
And though our battles differ much
We share a common war

Yet from the rules of life and death
This leaf could not depart
Eventually the hand of death
Would still its beating heart.

I saw the last leaf fall today
Its wonders, still, I sing
For with its help, I live anew
On this first day of Spring.